And who would have thought...it figures
This is not like rain on your wedding day, and it is not at all like a free ride when you've already paid. This is actual, live, tangible irony for your reading pleazshuh. Are you sitting down? Are you ready to get with this? Seriously, it'll blow the freaking top off of your head. Kevin Smith makes whole movies about crap like this, ok not really, more like maybe a scene, BUT IT'S BIZARRE FANTASTIC AND HORRIBLE STUFF. Prepare thyself accordingly, and consider yourself warned.
Ok, so here's the sitch, the other night me and the hub are sitting at the kitch table having some dinner, (steak, baby squash and salad for you nosy nosersons), and the man shushes me. That's right he shushed...ME!. I did take a moment to ask what in the name of all that is holy he thought he was doing before I got all medieval on his ass, to which he cocked his head to the side and asked "Do you hear that?"
When dogs do that it's really cute, but when people do it they look kind of like broken puppets. Moving on! So sure enough we hear this tiny little "Screee scree screee" and right when we heard it pretty definitely the cats started going wacko jacko on us.
So I run and get the flashlight because we both know what we think it is, but we were afraid to say it out loud at first. The cats start pacing around the fridge and looking at it like it's made of tuna and they've just realized it. So he gets down on the floor and looks under the fridge with the flashlight while I sit on a chair holding my feet high in the air...and what does he see?
No, the other kind.
So yeah, there was a tiny little mouse under our fridge, and I know what you're thinking...big friggin' deal. What's so ironic about that?
The mouse was chewing on one of these...
That's right, the mouse was chewing on a toy mouse. A furry cat toy mouse, no less. Tah Daaaah!
P.S. The mouse has since passed away due to his unfortunate attraction to peanut butter-baited mouse traps. He never knew what hit him. RIP, homie.
Ok, so here's the sitch, the other night me and the hub are sitting at the kitch table having some dinner, (steak, baby squash and salad for you nosy nosersons), and the man shushes me. That's right he shushed...ME!. I did take a moment to ask what in the name of all that is holy he thought he was doing before I got all medieval on his ass, to which he cocked his head to the side and asked "Do you hear that?"
When dogs do that it's really cute, but when people do it they look kind of like broken puppets. Moving on! So sure enough we hear this tiny little "Screee scree screee" and right when we heard it pretty definitely the cats started going wacko jacko on us.
So I run and get the flashlight because we both know what we think it is, but we were afraid to say it out loud at first. The cats start pacing around the fridge and looking at it like it's made of tuna and they've just realized it. So he gets down on the floor and looks under the fridge with the flashlight while I sit on a chair holding my feet high in the air...and what does he see?
No, the other kind.
So yeah, there was a tiny little mouse under our fridge, and I know what you're thinking...big friggin' deal. What's so ironic about that?
The mouse was chewing on one of these...
That's right, the mouse was chewing on a toy mouse. A furry cat toy mouse, no less. Tah Daaaah!
P.S. The mouse has since passed away due to his unfortunate attraction to peanut butter-baited mouse traps. He never knew what hit him. RIP, homie.
posted by Connoisseur of Human Folly | 1:27 PM
4 Comments:
So does that count as cannibalism?
Wicked crazy. So I keep saying you're a great writer...plan on moving back to the ATL? Wanna job?
Only if I can be a bizarrely eccentric op-ed columnist who gets to rant and rave to my heart's content about whatever the heck tickles my fancy while gallavanting around town (I'll need a driver, obvs) terrorizing sales clerks and restaurant waitstaff who quiver in fear I'll verbally flay them in my next exquisite masterpiece. I'll need a large supply of silk scarves, pinned around myself in strange, yet trendsetting ways and large Jackie O sunglasses. Also a large designer purse containing one (1) tiny and vicious (not to me! but to everyone else, dahling!) dog.
Oh, and deadlines stifle my muse. So we couldn't have that. Plus, and expense account and I can only work from home.
Are you writing all this down?
Yeah so I take it back. I'm a boss and I don't even get cool stuff like that. Maybe someday when I open my own paper and we have lots of money to dole out.....
In my dreams, right?!
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