Too cold
This came in the mail today. You so want one, don't even try to deny.
Why yes, I have been known to wax chumps like candles when presented the opportunity. Although, when the lights are turned off, I do not glow. Not that I know of, anyway. The most horrible and awesome truth of the matter is that everybody's favorite cupcake-flavored one hit wonder was, in fact, my first live concert. Oh, yes. I must come clean. My older sister took my eleven year old self and two friends to the Atlanta Civic Center back in 1991, and we watched with a mixture of horror and fascination as Robert Van Winkle humped every surface of that stage. Literally. The man made love to the floor. In parachute pants. With that bizarrely silly fade haircut that looked more like a bike ramp than something that goes on one's head.
Not that I'm knockin' Ice. He was a product of pop culture at the time, as this strange website I found attests:
We loved him. We thought his dance moves were the smoothest, and vulgar as they were, they did give us an enlightening lesson in what to expect when we ourselves entered dance clubs in our later teen years. That's pretty much how guys dance. They hump things.
I can't wait to wear my new shirt out and about. I look forward to people's confused faces as they try to make sense of it. The wide-eyed recognition and inevitable laughter of a few will be like a scarlet letter on their chest. They will have outed themselves. Back in '91 they too wore the hammer pants. They too knew all the words to the song. They too did the running man and the roger rabbit with such vigor their pinch rolls came loose.
And I'll casually nod my head and say to them....word to your mother.
P.S. While researching this post I discovered the existence of a Vanilla Ice Doll. The inane practice of making dolls of just about anyone with fifteen minutes of fame under their belt aside, I'd really just like to know why he's making a shadow puppet dog with his hand.
Why yes, I have been known to wax chumps like candles when presented the opportunity. Although, when the lights are turned off, I do not glow. Not that I know of, anyway. The most horrible and awesome truth of the matter is that everybody's favorite cupcake-flavored one hit wonder was, in fact, my first live concert. Oh, yes. I must come clean. My older sister took my eleven year old self and two friends to the Atlanta Civic Center back in 1991, and we watched with a mixture of horror and fascination as Robert Van Winkle humped every surface of that stage. Literally. The man made love to the floor. In parachute pants. With that bizarrely silly fade haircut that looked more like a bike ramp than something that goes on one's head.
Not that I'm knockin' Ice. He was a product of pop culture at the time, as this strange website I found attests:
...he was for a glimmering moment in the early 90's - the quintiessential cover kid of Pop Magazine. No other icon could reach as far, reach such heights, and all with such a whacked attitude.
We loved him. We thought his dance moves were the smoothest, and vulgar as they were, they did give us an enlightening lesson in what to expect when we ourselves entered dance clubs in our later teen years. That's pretty much how guys dance. They hump things.
I can't wait to wear my new shirt out and about. I look forward to people's confused faces as they try to make sense of it. The wide-eyed recognition and inevitable laughter of a few will be like a scarlet letter on their chest. They will have outed themselves. Back in '91 they too wore the hammer pants. They too knew all the words to the song. They too did the running man and the roger rabbit with such vigor their pinch rolls came loose.
And I'll casually nod my head and say to them....word to your mother.
P.S. While researching this post I discovered the existence of a Vanilla Ice Doll. The inane practice of making dolls of just about anyone with fifteen minutes of fame under their belt aside, I'd really just like to know why he's making a shadow puppet dog with his hand.
posted by Connoisseur of Human Folly | 12:55 PM
2 Comments:
Shocker!
And we all know we danced to that song shaking our butts and singing along. I had to admit the other day that New Kids on the Block was my first concert. Yes, I was "hangin' tough."
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