The Next Generation

My niece had a birthday this week. She turned twelve, which is just wild to me. I spent quite a bit of time with her up until I left for college, so in my mind she's perpetually four. Man, she was the cutest four year old ever. Seriously. She was a straight stunner. People would just stop on the street and be like, "Damn, that's a cute kid." She could work it too. I taught her how to stick out her bottom lip and do a mean set of puppy dog eyes. She could make grown men melt at twenty paces, just putty in her tiny hands. She had these gigantic black-brown eyes she would bat and say "Pease." It was like standing before a tsunami of adorableness. No one could stand against it. Resistance was futile.

So she's twelve. Wow. She's still adorable, and I can see hints of the young woman she's morphing into. I've still got a few inches on her, but she's almost grown. She's getting to that awkward adolescent age, but she's not awkward yet. I don't know if she ever will be. The last time we were together I sat down with her and taught her how to put on makeup. She's not allowed to wear it yet, but I wanted her to know the basic rules before she got in the driver sear of an eyeliner pencil. I think we all remember the cosmetic monstrosities we saw back in junior high homeroom. I taught her the same basic lessons my sister taught me, as well as basic truths I've come to over the years; stick with a basic brown shadow for now, looks good on everybody and it's hard to mess up, smudge the eyeliner and the lipliner (blending is your friend), racoon eyes look best on racoons, blush goes on the apples of the cheeks (not the temples). Then I made her repeat the cardinal rule of modern makeup, NO BLUE EYESHADOW. I was shouting that mantra like I was talking about wire hangers. Inevitably, when I mention my complete and utter disdain of blue eyeshadow, someone defends it (Oh, if you do it right....or I think it looks nice...). Whatever, it's not like it makes your brown eyes look blue. It's your call, but don't blame me for laughing at your bruised looking face and asking if anyone has kissed your grits yet. That's what blue eyeshadow makes me think of, bruises and diner waitresses who smack gum and wear beehive hairdos.

Not that there is anything wrong with diner waitresses, people. It's just not a look that many people shoot for when gussying up to go out. It's not like you turn to your girlfriend before hitting the club and saying, "How do I look?" and she says "Straight Waffle House, baby!" and then you say "Sweet, just what I was going for."

Anyway. So back to my niece. After the awesome tshirt I got her brother for Christmas, she told me she wanted a cool funky tshirt for her birthday. Since I reckon myself to be a connoisseur of cool and funky tshirts (as well as human folly), I was all over that. So I got her this one. I thought it didn't seem too age inappropriate, plus if she didn't like the design at least it was pink. So I called on her birthday to see how she liked it. She liked it so much she had worn it to school that day. It's official. I rule. I'm officially a cool aunt. Awesome.