Renaissance Woman

Last weekend we went to the Renaissance Fair. It was awesome. I hadn't been to one in many many years, but it was just as fun and ridiculous as I remembered. It was opening weekend, but the weather was cold and drizzly, so we figured the crowds wouldn't have been so bad, and thankfully they weren't. When describing the Renaissance Fair to those unfamiliar with the concept (there is a shockingly large population of people who have no idea what it is, and where they have been for the last several decades I do not know), I usually say something to the effect of "picture medieval disneyland with beer, turkey legs, and jousting". Usually that wins them over.

The food was great, I drank two glasses of Woodchuck cider and was blissfully buzzy for a couple of hours, they should sell hot hard cider (hehe, sounds kinda dirty), though, as my fingers were numb with cold. We watched the jousting and cheered for the villianous French knight who speared his opponents in the back and knocked them off their horses. Awesome. It was like WWF wrestling on horses with big sticks. The guys had the big sticks..er, lances?..not the horsesNEVERMIND. You know what I meant. I mean the fair was kind of bawdy, but I'm surprised how much so my description is.

We very much enjoyed watching a glass-blowing demonstration, so much so we watched him twice. Plus it was warmer next to his ovens. He was this very cool guy with a salt and pepper Santa Claus beard. You got the feeling he probably followed The Grateful Dead around for a few decades before he got in to the glass thing. He waited patiently after the demonstrations to answer people's lame questions. I got us a beautiful green and yellow globe ornament for our future Christmas trees. I told him we'd cherish it every year and he seemed happy to hear it.

Oh, and before I forget. The very best part. The most fabulous booth of all carnival booths I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. It was called Vegetable Justice.

Curious? Well, the description in the ads was "throw tomatoes at surly peasants" and we were all "We are so there." Because when in this day and age does one get the chance to openly throw anything at another human being without get slapped with an assault charge? Pretty much never. And to make this incredible idea even better? To assuage any latent feelings of guilt over blitzkrieging a helpless person with slimy red ammunition? THEY INSULT YOU! They provoke their attacker with some pretty choice insults, practically demanding you bombard them with ripe produce. It...was...beautiful. We watched as several people stepped up and the clever recipient of the seedy assault burned each an every one with his acid tongue, insulting their appearance, parentage, and performance. Some even attempted to insult back, but that was, to all of our eyes, not only an admission of defeat, but of complete douchbaggery. You are supposed to retaliate with the tomatoes. That's what it's about. If you can't hit the guy with the tomatoes, then you suck it up and walk away. Returning insults to a guy whose job is to get plastered with fruit guts just makes you look like a dick. A dick asking for a tomato in the face.